I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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