We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
