There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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