well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What a dumb baby whore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
