You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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