probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
