then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
