Where did you get a picture of my penis
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
