Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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