Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
