Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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