some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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