I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
