that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
