so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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