The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
