Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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