96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
