im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So many bounce houses so little time
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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