i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
