I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
