There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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