I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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