ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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