It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
