then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
