Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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