I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone shit on the floor
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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