Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
