My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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