I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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