How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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