my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
