Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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