so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
