Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
