Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
