I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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