dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
