I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
