I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
