btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
