Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
