Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish i was in the wii world.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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