Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
