not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
