Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
