very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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