i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
