It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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