i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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