i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A+ Viking dick
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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