Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
