i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
