Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
