Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
